India, My Beautiful Nightmare

As I finish up my last two weeks of work, the heat and humidity grow more stifling and oppressive. This morning on my way to the office, I was thinking: what have I learned here? What WAS my purpose in this city, now that I'm leaving? Already drenched in sweat from my brief walk to the station I waited for the train in the slim bar of a shadow, created by a steel beam against the already burning 8 a.m. sunrise. Here's what I came up with.

1. It's not (supposed to be) about the material stuff

To India I am leaving behind my SLR camera, my wallet, cash, a plane ticket that I won't be reimbursed for, and more...some of my sanity, a youthful look on my face, perhaps. India ate that, too! I don't think I learned Not to care about the material things. But I exchanged many material things for a beautiful nightmare, and I dealt with it, and that comes without a price tag.

2. YES HORN PLEASE

It seems like every prospect that Bombay offered was met with a polite declination on my part. Like a demanding child, the city bombarded me with unfamiliar, uncomfortable questions and decisions and requests and sounds and smells and inconveniences, many to which I responded, "WTF?!" in my mind. That city siphoned up all of my energy by the end of each day. The memory of silence was forgotten. The city encourages relentless noise, from the "YES HORN PLEASE" sign painted on the back of each truck, to the swarming throngs of people and cars and heat and trains and bicycles and crying babies and vendors selling coconuts...the list goes on. Here, it's sink or swim...and I was treading heavily. I managed to accept it and I did, somehow, survive.

3. Horrifying yet fascinating: my favorite combination

The things I have hated the most about India I also loved: the throngs of people on the train, the chaos, the noise, the stares, the occasional pungent wafting of incense combined with other unidentifiable odors into my rickshaw each morning, and the inconveniences that I have never before encountered in such extremes. I was thrown together into a city where Bollywood stars walk shoulder to shoulder with the homeless, where people sleep on the medians at midday. Needless to say, it was a complicated relationship but I tried to accept everything for what it was. Bombay is not for ninnies.

4. Just let go.

Nothing can be perfect, and Bombay is just that: take it or leave it. Perhaps this blog showcased my complaints, but I feel it was a shelf upon which I displayed my crazy collection of experiences. I know that when I get back to my home village, the silence will be deafening. I suppose I have changed in that I have learned to accept an environment of chaos more than deny it. And for the rest of my life I'll just laugh when someone complains about a "traffic jam" unless I'm experiencing it in Delhi, where there's not even a method to the madness.

5. It's okay to be different

In India, it was simple to spot me in a crowd. Beggars and cripples and mango vendors and children selling vases and hawkers make their way to me first because I was such an easy target. I'm not married, and I don't have kids, and I don't need to. And yes, keep staring. Because I don't even notice anymore. All the world's a stage!

6. India was my classroom

India, although I will only have been here for seven months, was a master guru. What I learned here is not something that can easily be explained on my CV or have any financial worth. I see it as my last hurrah long-term abroad (for this decade, I think), and an experience that jarred my most set beliefs and ideals. For that, I am grateful. And Frank Sinatra had it wrong. It's whether you "can make it" in Bombay (NOT New York) that you "can make it" anywhere.

7. Persistence pays off

Something that Indians taught me, whether beggars or businessmen, is that you should never give up. I think success comes from believing in yourself, or as Einstein put it, only a little inspiration with a lot of perspiration. I'll keep that in mind as I return to my homeland and seek a job in a tanked economy with 8.25% unemployment. Bring it on. JAI HO!